I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my life last Christmas. Where do I want to go? Do I like the person that I am? Have I done the right thing ?
It’s a new year now and my mind is filled with excitement, fear, joy and empowerment. I always love the feeling I get when we’re just ending an old year and we step into a new one. It’s that uncertainty of what’s to come… You feel different on New Year’s Eve, I mean, you really do! You think that you are going to become this confident, brave, better version of yourself in the year to come… But in reality you’re just stuck with the same old body, mind and life.
What I love about the new year is the motivation it brings. I just feel so motivated to be a better version of myself, to learn to love myself and open my heart up to other people and not be so hard on myself. I love my life… Sometimes it’s hard and I question things too much. Have I chosen the right path? Is nursing school the right thing for me? Do I live 100% authentically? There are so many questions and the new year is supposed to give me some answers. Because I know with time and patience, everything will work out and happen the way they should be.
The days are so long. Every morning I am thinking of when I will be back home. Home to my mom. Laying in my own bed… Spending lazy sundays baking cookies and apple crumble pies. Going to the library and discover new books…
I am very grateful for everything in my life, but I think if you are homesick and not truly happy, it does not matter where you are in your life. If you got happiness, then that is all you truly need. Who cares if you are living in a big city; the city of love; if you are not happy?
Being away from my own home country have made me realised how grateful I am for the life I have back home. All of my friends from school that I am so grateful for, and all of the small shops in my small town that I adore.
However, I am going to try and enjoy my time here as much as possible. I am not a quitter and I am going to make the best out of every situation! Maybe my time here was not as I expected it would be like, but that is okay! Because life is unpredictable and you can not predict the future. We just need to be grateful for the good people we have in our lives, because that is what truly matters at the end of the day.
I don’t know why, but I feel so alone. Every morning I just cry, because I feel so empty inside. I thought that going to Paris would be great. I would wear my most beautiful clothes, have fun with new friends, walk along the Seine, go out all the time. But it’s so different from what I imagined it would be like.
I guess when you start in a new school, there will always be hardships that you have to face. It’s hard making new friends again, and I feel alone in a new crowd. I have been getting to know some people, but I still feel alone and hopeless. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to move in by myself? Maybe I just should have moved in a dorm or something, or with a host family. That would have seriously been so much fun!
I always say to myself to stay positive, because that is my motto in life. Whenever a negative thought enter my mind, I always try to change it to a positive one…
I think I’m just really going to focus on school and be good at that. I guess the rest will just happen when it happens.
One of the goals I set last December was to become a volunteer in my home community. Yesterday, I went to a meeting with my local volunteer organisation, and on Friday I will officially have my first assignment as a volunteer(!!!). It’s so fun that I did something that I had thought about for a while and it’s nice to do something that will help someone else. I hope I will enjoy it so I will keep on doing it!
Also… Another important thing. Today marks 3 weeks until I leave Norway and jet off to Paris! I can’t believe it. Last fall, I was just so anxious and nervous about leaving. But now I can’t wait! I’m excited about going back to school and live in Paris, and truly experience the culture and people:)
I’m sure this will be a great year and I’m really ready for giving it my all.
It’s soon Christmas!!! Now that makes my heart happy. I can’t believe that by tomorrow it’s only 1 months left of 2015. That’s so crazy.(!!!) I’m not going to write this long New Year’s blog post about what I have learned this year or what I want to accomplish next year. I will probably wait until a couple of days before the new year. But I think it’s important to look back and see what this year has brought you. What lessons you’ve learned and what you have done that has made you happy!
I don’t think 2015 have treated me well, Lol! Just kidding, but it’s just not been the year that I thought it would be. I had so many things that I wanted to do and when I did them, they didn’t work out. So 2015 have definitely taught me that life is unpredictable and things never really works out the way you always want them to. And that’s okay, because then it’s probably because they weren’t meant to happen in the first place…