I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my life last Christmas. Where do I want to go? Do I like the person that I am? Have I done the right thing ?
It’s a new year now and my mind is filled with excitement, fear, joy and empowerment. I always love the feeling I get when we’re just ending an old year and we step into a new one. It’s that uncertainty of what’s to come… You feel different on New Year’s Eve, I mean, you really do! You think that you are going to become this confident, brave, better version of yourself in the year to come… But in reality you’re just stuck with the same old body, mind and life.
What I love about the new year is the motivation it brings. I just feel so motivated to be a better version of myself, to learn to love myself and open my heart up to other people and not be so hard on myself. I love my life… Sometimes it’s hard and I question things too much. Have I chosen the right path? Is nursing school the right thing for me? Do I live 100% authentically? There are so many questions and the new year is supposed to give me some answers. Because I know with time and patience, everything will work out and happen the way they should be.
Kurt Cobain said he would rather be hated for who he is than liked for who he is not. I really like this quote when I first read it, which is a minute ago by the way! I knew when I read this, that I had to share it here.
It’s important to always be proud of yourself, no matter what. If you know that the actions you are doing is being lead by your honest heart, then no one can tell you if it’s wrong or not. Even if it is wrong, you will learn from them. But it is not in other people’s power to tell you that. In order to learn, it has to always start with yourself.
I just started in a new class a couple of months ago. I don’t really care if they like me or not, because I know who I am and I will never change for anybody. I have been there, done that. As long as I’m me, that’s all that matters. Remember that you were born to be you and no one can take that away from you!
The days are so long. Every morning I am thinking of when I will be back home. Home to my mom. Laying in my own bed… Spending lazy sundays baking cookies and apple crumble pies. Going to the library and discover new books…
I am very grateful for everything in my life, but I think if you are homesick and not truly happy, it does not matter where you are in your life. If you got happiness, then that is all you truly need. Who cares if you are living in a big city; the city of love; if you are not happy?
Being away from my own home country have made me realised how grateful I am for the life I have back home. All of my friends from school that I am so grateful for, and all of the small shops in my small town that I adore.
However, I am going to try and enjoy my time here as much as possible. I am not a quitter and I am going to make the best out of every situation! Maybe my time here was not as I expected it would be like, but that is okay! Because life is unpredictable and you can not predict the future. We just need to be grateful for the good people we have in our lives, because that is what truly matters at the end of the day.
I don’t know why, but I feel so alone. Every morning I just cry, because I feel so empty inside. I thought that going to Paris would be great. I would wear my most beautiful clothes, have fun with new friends, walk along the Seine, go out all the time. But it’s so different from what I imagined it would be like.
I guess when you start in a new school, there will always be hardships that you have to face. It’s hard making new friends again, and I feel alone in a new crowd. I have been getting to know some people, but I still feel alone and hopeless. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to move in by myself? Maybe I just should have moved in a dorm or something, or with a host family. That would have seriously been so much fun!
I always say to myself to stay positive, because that is my motto in life. Whenever a negative thought enter my mind, I always try to change it to a positive one…
I think I’m just really going to focus on school and be good at that. I guess the rest will just happen when it happens.
I am now in Paris! I can’t believe it… Tomorrow is my first day of school which will be really fun! I’m going to meet all of the other students and after we have been given information about our semester in France, we will go out to dinner together. I really hope that these next four months will be amazing. I think it all depends on my thoughts and mindset. I am going to stay positive and be open-minded. I think that will make things easier:)
One of the goals I set last December was to become a volunteer in my home community. Yesterday, I went to a meeting with my local volunteer organisation, and on Friday I will officially have my first assignment as a volunteer(!!!). It’s so fun that I did something that I had thought about for a while and it’s nice to do something that will help someone else. I hope I will enjoy it so I will keep on doing it!
Also… Another important thing. Today marks 3 weeks until I leave Norway and jet off to Paris! I can’t believe it. Last fall, I was just so anxious and nervous about leaving. But now I can’t wait! I’m excited about going back to school and live in Paris, and truly experience the culture and people:)
I’m sure this will be a great year and I’m really ready for giving it my all.
Last night of 2015.
My favourite movie growing up, Material Girls, is airing on TV right now. My father and my uncle is chatting in the background. It’s crazy how so much changes over one year, right? What this year has taught me is that life is unpredictable. It doesn’t have to be a negative thing at all. It’s what makes life exciting and changes your destiny forever. I’ve also learned an even more important thing. To always be proud of who I am! It’s such a powerful feeling and I never thought I would get there so soon. But with experiences, comes knowledge and awakenings. I’ve learned something so vital, which I want to bring with me this upcoming year. I’m ready to love myself more, grow and change, and have a magical new year.
2016, I’m ready for you.